


This Husband is a Bottom

by MaelstromScythian



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Twins, Giftfic for Sciencefictioness who's my new sister, I am terrible, M/M, Multi, Other, Song Parody, Songfic, Threesome - M/M/M, Twincest, Weddings, fuck all who hate this, no im just kidding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:42:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3964780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaelstromScythian/pseuds/MaelstromScythian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A giftfic for Sciencefictioness for what happens when you listen to funny parodies while reading crazy fanfiction. Enjoy your time inside my drug-ridden thoughts! (That was a joke, I promise I don't do weed... usually. XD)</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Husband is a Bottom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sciencefictioness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencefictioness/gifts).



> This will be beautiful. Don't judge. ALSO, IMPORTANT: WHEN THINGS ARE BOLD AND IN QUOTES, THAT'S SCYTHIC AND/OR LUCY AND ERZA SINGING. IF IN ITALICS (slanty), THAT'S SPEAKING AT THE MIC (only after Scythic, my new character, finishes his announcements)

_** This  ~~Boy~~ Husband is a Bottom ** _

   The wedding was going great. The cake was amazing, the food and cheer- in more ways than one- were flowing freely, and everything was just perfect. At least, Natsu Dragion  _thought_ it was. Natsu and Gray were staring at him like he was gonna get eaten by them... in more ways than Dragion could think of. He sighed, and sat down as the reception began. After marrying the three of them (It was hard, they had to get three pairs of rings since they only came in matching sets of two.. and the whole issue with the ring bearers, and even making the altar at Kardia Cathedral fit for the three of them was  _excruciating)_ things were amazing. Natsu had gotten pretty good at his car magic by now, and made both of his husbands' entrances into the wedding having them hopping out of a car that was made to look like one of the original prototypes of the magic cars Edolas had before Natsu was born. Thankfully, Natsu had been so interested in cars he'd stolen old diagrams with the prototypes' visual appearance on them, so he could create them at will with a bit of his own twist since they were born purely of his imagination. He looked up, and noticed the lights begin to dim. Apparently Natsu's long time friend and fellow dragon slayer was doing a song, but  _thank GOD_ it wasn't Gajeel. It wasn't that his voice was bad, it just seemed so...  _wrong_ for him to sing. The lights finally completely blackened, and the spotlight revealed a certainly... charismatic character.

   Not that he looked bad,, just that he had silver hair with piercing silver eyes with... viper-like pupils? They looked positively reptilian. What was even more surprising though was this dragon slayer's attire. He was wearing a black bodysuit with black combat boot stilettos, with seemingly eight-inch heels and the cuffs going all the way up to his knee where it blended in with the pantsuit. There were gloves with a silver pattern on the back, as well as a sash with a large white gem that hooked around his waist like a belt. On the side there was a pouch which looked like it holstered a gigantic magic gun that Natsu assumed he summoned because no magic guns he'd ever seen were even NEARLY that big. He had a long black coat on that was kind of like a lab coat- long sleeves, an open front, no hood and it stopped at his ankles, completing the extravagant look with a flair. The view was so interesting that Dragion didn't even notice when one of his husbands sneaked up behind him and pounced on him with a kiss.  _  
_

   "Hey,  _husband_. Admiring Scythic?" Dragneel smirked at his lover.

   "Yeah. You said he was a dragon slayer, right?" 

   "Mm-hmm. He's the Water Dragon Slayer, parented by Sedna. After she disappeared, he kind of went through a far darker and more relentless past than even us other dragon slayers have, including Laxus. Even Wendy, whom he treats like the child he never had, doesn't know the complete extent, and she'll never tell- though she did say she was surprised he was even alive at this point from what all he'd been through- I can only imagine what could have been so bad. However, he has amazing magic power, senses keener than mine, and better reflexes than  _everyone._ He could beat Laxus, and he did once so badly Laxus hasn't challenged him again since. To be fair, he did deserve it, since he majorly underestimated him when Scythic asked him to see if Laxus could block a new spell of Scythic's. He has a warm heart though, and he's amiable with everyone despite being new to the Guild. He joined about a month before you came..."

   "Wow. That's a lot to take in. Anything else I should know? If he's Fairy Tail, he's gotta have some weird kink to him that makes him crazy, right?" Dragion could almost  _swear_ he saw Natsu's eyes widen and his body visibly tense up at the statement, but when he blinked, he was still fine.

  "Nah. He has a really good singing voice, but sings about particularly touchy subjects when he dedicates a song to an individual. Let's watch; he's getting ready to perform."

   Dragneel was right, Scythic was tapping the mic, testing it before he started to make announcements.

   " **How is everyone tonight?"**  Scythic asked. He had a devilish grin on his face, as if he was planning something.

    **"Well, before I start my song, could I please ask children who you don't wish to observe unadulterated material to leave this room? Sorry, but that means Asca, and don't you sneak back in, Romeo! Wendy, you can stay here, but ya might be scarred if you do..."** Wendy laughed, albeit slightly nervous.  **"Also, Happy and Carla should be taken care of outside the room, too! Sorry you two, but Lily is verified to be old enough to stay."**  The crowd began to slightly shift, and both Natsus were more than surprised that Wendy decided to stay, being the last one to come in after she sent Carla off. 

   "She's really grown, hasn't she?" Natsu had left and was now back, scaring the Edolas child for the second time that night.

   "Yeah, but _shh!_  I want to see how well this guy can sing. He's about to start."

    **"Everyone ready?"** A predatory grin was on his face, and he was staring directly at Natsu Dragion. However, he still joined in with the collective "YEAH!" that resounded throughout the room.

    **"Good. Then before I start, can the three _husband newlyweds_ come sit in the honorary seat? This song  _is_ for them, after all." **Dragneel yanked Dragion over to the plush couch, sitting him between him and Gray, who was already there and already out of his shirt.

    **"Well, here goes nothing..."**

Dragion was  _nowhere near_ prepared for the words that came out of Scythic's mouth. His voice was lascivious and honeyed, conveying all of the messages the world was supposed to hear.

    **"He's just a boy, but he's a bottom..."**

Natsu was laughing his  _ass_ off at that, and Gray just kept smirking at the heavily blushing Dragion.

    **"Make him try to top he'll cry, never even said he's bi."** Dragion was redder than the wine as Scythic kept his gaze trained on him like a hawk. **  
**

   **"It says 'HE'S VERSE!' up on his Grindr..."  
**

Natsu Dragion managed to look up in time to see Erza and a blushing Lucy at microphones behind him, singing "Ah-ooh" after he finished his line.

    **"Versatile- yeah, okay- girl you know you're SUPER GAY!"** Natsu wished he was dead right now. Scythic was  _still_ looking at him, and now the whole guild was laughing their asses off.

    **"Ohhh, oh-oh ho-oh- Ass up and pull those pants down!"** Dragneel and Gray pulled him into a fierce kiss, a sloppy three-way that left him breathless and embarrassed in a new way.

   Lucy, blushing fiercely, spoke.  _"I heard that one time he had a gown!"_

 **"Whoa-ho ho-ho-ohh, oh-oh ho-oh. His hole is medium rare, and you won't find a hair."** Natsu was  _so_ gonna run Scythic over with a car, and coughed when Erza muttered " _Pink"_ and Lucy stammered " _stink"._

 Natsu could tell things would only get worse from here on out when the chorus came.

    **"** **This boy is a bottooom!"** _Oh, God._

    **"This boy is a bottommm..."** _Please, just let me die in peace._ **  
**

**"A gut-bucket bottomm..."** Natsu almost screamed, but let himself be pulled onto Gray's chest only to be thoroughly yanked up into Natsu's body-cage with Gray falling on top of him with a  _whoosh!_ of plush sinking. The music was incredibly loud, but what filled the room even more was the cacophony of drunken laughter.

    **"He's a ratchet-ass bottommmm...!"** Natsu didn't have it in him to ignore it, but still...

    **"He got Fleet enemas for days..."**  Seriously! Didn't he have a limit?

    **"Sixty minutes in the gym, forty-five of that is showerin'-"** Oh, lord. He'd never escape the scarring memories this song would give him. Erza and Lucy started the next line, though.

    **"(He's a jock) 'least he WEARS ONE on a date-"** Where in the world did he come UP with this?

    **"Ass-pussy sweety-clean, a total top's total dream!"** The one time Natsu dared take a sip of his wine, he spat it all up- but his mess was greatly lessened since Natsu stole at his lips, fierce desire and surprise in his eyes as he swallowed down the wine spewing out of Dragion's mouth by accident.

    **"Ohh, oh-oh ho-oh- That hole ain't been tight for years- sloppy-bottomless queer!"** That wasn't even the worst of it, as Natsu soon realized when the next part came.

   He was utterly  _flabbergasted_ at his next act. He took out a hot-dog meat piece, and  _gagged_ himself with it for his next "ohs", resulting in this strangled sound that had several guild members on the floor in fits of cackles.

    **"Whoa-oh oh-aggh-aggh, aggh-oh ho-oh. Rectal prolapse be damned! Shove it up in his can!** Natsu choked as Erza embarrassingly shouted, " _Take that! Take it! TAKE IT! BLAGHLAGHLAGH!"_ They were going to be the DEATH of him, on his wedding day no less!

    **"This boy is a bottooom!"** Oh great, the chorus again...

    **"This boy is a bottommm..."** Natsu didn't know what else to say.

    **"A gut-bucket bottomm..!"**

 **"He's a ratchet-ass bottommmm...!"** He was so overwhelmed at this point, he couldn't speak. He was  _mortified_. So much so that he barely noticed Scythic lock eyes with Dragneel for an instant, nor did he notice Natsu suddenly leave after whispering to Gray.

   Well, Natsu didn't think it could get any worse. He was dead wrong.

   His husband, Natsu Dragneel, came up on stage and  _rapped_ to him. He just about died when he saw that drop-dead grin appear on stage, those emerald eyes brimming with lust.

   " _Dick-pig, over here pig, make my shaft disappear in your rear pig..."_  Natsu grinded the air as he did this, gyrating his hips in a sultry motion.

   " _Double-penetration with you up in here pig. Are you scared, pig? This goes there, pig. And on your backdoor- that's my tongue, pig."_  Natsu blushed even further crimson at the thought of  _that_ memory... although after the immeasurable pain came pleasure that had him moaning and gasping even more. Maybe they'd try that again? He secretly hoped so, but he'd never tell. Unless they were in his car.

    _"Yeah, that's your boy-gash. Into my twink, stashed. Keep sucking me, do it 'til I'm tucking, gee! Guess I'm a top, 'cause ain't nobody fucking me!"_ Scythic, as soon as he was done, put his foot into Natsu's back and pushed him offstage with his foot, earning another round of laughs from Fairy Tail. Natsu Dragion began laughing too, because despite being really embarrassing it was so  _funny._ Gray was already into full-blown guffaws as he chuckled, quietly, and did the one thing he hadn't ever done outside of his car with Gray. He leaned over and kissed him, lightly on the lips, but Gray absorbed his tongue and pulled him into his chest just as Natsu came back to the couch, stealing the Edolas boy's heart though his mouth for the umpteenth time.

   As this was happening, Erza and Lucy stepped up to the beginning of the catwalk where Scythic was, another round of 'ohs' where sang and then the final chorus came, in which everyone in Fairy Tail, even Dragion, joined in.

    **"THIS BOY IS A BOTTOOOM!"** Claps were coming from all over the room.

    **"THIS BOY IS A BOTTOMMM..."** Scythic really did have a beautiful voice, though.

    **"A GUT-BUCKET BOTTOMM!!!"** His wedding, Dragion decided, was still perfect. This only truly added to the mirth of Fairy Tail.

    **"HE'S A RATCHET-ASS BOTTOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!"** Fairy Tail finished the song with a beautiful flair, and Scythic dived off the catwalk- about to crush the married trio, until he literally vanished into mist. He reappeared, winked at the dragon slayer and his twin, as well as their ice mage, and left, sashaying off the back curtains.

   "Wow. That was  _embarrassing._ "

   Gray grinned like a child. "That's how he is. Did you like the performance?"

   Both Natsus answered at once. "Totally."

   The three of them laughed, and with a devious smile in their eyes, Natsu and Gray lifted up a fiercely protesting Dragion, and their first honeymoon night became one Dragion would never forget.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you judge get out it's a work of art. Also, Scythic is who I imagine myself to be as an epic mage or warrior. He'll probably appear in other fics, so expect him. Probably not as an MC or in a relationship though. The song I used is linked here, if you thought this was funny go listen to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0kqobQRcUo . Credit to Willam Belli to being the queen of YAS.T ALSO, if anyone who ever reads this (though I'm not sure anyone will) you can submit fanart of what you imagine Scythic to look like. If you can, put him at a microphone, so that way I can use it as a cover for this fic, which I hope sciencefictioness likes since it's for her. Danke, Menschen!  
> P.S.: To sciencefictioness, if you think I write well enough, maybe I could be your editor/beta??? Arigato, onee-chan!


End file.
